Ask For My Number… @BreannaChanelle

In Community Unity

Ask For My Number… @BreannaChanelle

“Ask For My Number Already! – a man’s Guide to Holding Down a Fly Girl

I enjoyed quite a few perks as a single woman, especially because I was invested in so many endeavours at that point in my life. Being single made it all a bit easier, because I was able to work without pausing for date night or to support the emotional needs of someone who I had made a commitment to. To be honest I could barely find time for self-care between writing school papers, completing case notes for my student placement, my part-time job, planning and executing events & initiatives for my grassroots organization, writing my first book, memorizing poems and new commitments I had picked up at church. Sometimes my struggle to keep up made me wonder how I could commit to a healthy romantic relationship on top of it all.

I’m just shy of 25 years old and I just entered my first serious relationship EVER! I’ve been in a whole lot of situationships and have dealt with more Mr. Wrong’s than I am even brave enough to admit, but never had someone that I felt added enough substance to my life (until 6 months ago… HEY BOO, love you! �de0d).

In my teen years I was super obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend. I would get super jealous when I saw couples my age or younger holding hands in the school hallways or making out in mall corners. I dreamed about receiving good morning texts and having someone to ask me about my day. I wanted cute teddy bears on Valentine’s Day and to write corny statuses with hearts and relationship dates on MSN. It never happened for me in high school (I didn’t even have a prom date) but I was 150% sure that it would happen for me in University. Low and behold, I did not take any cute pictures with BAE in my grad gown and cap – and if I did you wouldn’t have been able to see him, because he was mighty ghostly!

According to society, it’s never okay for a single woman to openly admit her desires for love and relationship, because apparently that makes her look desperate. However, I am a love connoisseur who doesn’t buy into the BS of pretending that I don’t crave romance and love, so I have always been very vocal about my desire to be in a relationship. I can’t even count how many times the expressions of my desire were met with, “Just work on yourself. Do your thing and eventually the perfect man will come to you”. Well, that advice is part of what has brought me to where I am today, I stopped focusing on my desires for a relationship and started focusing on bettering myself so that when Mr. Right came along I would be ready and stable enough within myself to add someone to my life. People were right, men surely did come, but they were far from perfect.

I always found that the men who approached me and were brave enough to ask me out on dates were the ones who I would not in a million years be interested in dating. I’m not at all a shallow person, but I’m talking the type of men who would make you turn to your friends and ask, “Whose mans is this?” – Meanwhile, I would be at an event making heated eye contact with a GQ model who I could tell by observation (and by secretly listening in on some conversations) had a lot going for him not only in looks, but also in personality and in life – but these men were NEVER the ones to approach me. Sometimes I wanted to yell at them across the room and say, “Looking is not gonna get my number in your phone boo!” Excuse my narcissism for a bit here, but I think I’m quite the catch, so I really couldn’t understand what the hold up was!

I’m a very open-minded person, but there are some things I’m quite traditional about, and one of those things is men approaching me first. A lot of my friends used to get at me for that, because they claim that’s one of the things that hindered me from finding the man I wanted and I tried – to no avail, stepping out of my comfort zone to approach a few men but it just didn’t feel right to me!

So this is for all the fine single men with their heads on straight, who stare at fly girls from across the room but never actually come speak to us. This is how my boo swung in and swooped me all the way up. I’m going to make this a bit easier and less painful for all those involved (especially my sistas!) .

Here are some guidelines on how to get to know a fly girl:

  1. Talk to her

I know sometimes she has the mean girl look on, but go talk to her! I promise she doesn’t bite. If you’re not her type she’ll let you know, and so what? Trust me there is no shortage of single fly girls so… NEXT! But you’re fine as hell so you don’t have to worry about that, just talk to her!

  1. Put her number in your phone

There’s no point in you building up the courage to talk to her if your conversation is going to end there. Sometimes the setting you are in is not the best for substantial conversation, so make sure you leave with her number so that you can have better and more in depth conversations later.

  1. Use her damn number

She is not here for waiting games. If you took her number she expects that she’ll be hearing from you. Not a week later, ot a month later, but like … the next day. I know sometimes it’s a little weird sending the first text, but one easy way to do that is to check in and see if she got home safe!

  1. Be able to hold a conversation

She loves conversation, trust me. Talk about societal issues, about work, about dreams, about goals, about music, about upcoming events. Fly girls are usually easy to talk to, because they have a lot to say about almost everything. But somehow one of the biggest issues we have with dating, is men’s inability to start and hold a decent conversation. So please, if you aren’t able to hold a conversation for at least 30 minutes, quit while you’re ahead.

  1. Ask her out (but not to the movies)

Phone conversations and texting are great, but if this is going to go anywhere you need to go out together. Dates don’t have to be all that fancy, it could be hitting up a coffee shop, or going for a stroll in a park! I have one rule, and one rule only – DO NOT go to the movies on the first date!

You can’t really get to know someone while sitting in a dark room behind a large screen, you need to interact and have a good time. I think the best way to get to know someone is by trying something new with them, so try something new!

Men always complain that women don’t say what they want, so there you have it, you have no excuse. Fly girls all over the world have their adventurous date attire on deck and are ready to have some fun, don’t stand them up!

PS. I like weddings, so don’t forget to invite me when you find the one!

P.P. S. I also love babies, so I can definitely be your baby’s God mama, just holla!

Alright that’s a wrap!”

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